So it has come to my attention that I have been a tiny bit neglectful in my blogging lately. To be honest, it's been a combination of a lack of time, and a lack of anything noteworthy to write about. Well today is your lucky day folks! Not only am I back in business, but with one hell of a WTF moment for you! Behold...
Grant MacEwan University, an institution designed for optimal learning and higher education, plays host to a large number of people who despite their reach for intellectual enlightenment, have sadly lost the social skills to make any of that brain power useful. I over-heard a conversation today during which I found myself being embarrassed FOR this person.
While innocently enjoying my chocolate milk, I heard a spry young man trying desperately to convince a young women, whom he'd just recently met, that his style of dress was in fact, and I quote, "above average". "At school I just wear whatever," he says "jeans and a shirt. But when I go out, believe me, I step it up. My wardrobe is far to nice for school. Even me dressing down is usually above average." This guy was so intent on impressing her with his designer jeans and jacket that it was like watching a used car salesman trying to sell a Pinto to the manager of a Lexus dealership - fruitless and beyond shameful.
Luckily this woman not fooled by his douche-baggery, however, she was not all that adept at remedying the situation either. She proceeded to show him how far she could bend the tip of her index finger back. ....WHAT??? WTF are you doing??? Is this where "flirting" is headed?? Are we so far gone that something that once required confidence and charm has turned into a who's-who of freak show talents?? I was appalled.
It was sometime before, or after this part of the conversation (the exact sequence has escaped me...some call it repression) that this young man had broken into song, attempting to croon his way into this girls heart...or pants, for that matter. (the latter probably the more likely of the two scenarios) But regardless of how it unfolded, the result was the same. Train wreck.
Moral of the story: Unless you're Michael Bublé, keep the singing in the shower.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009
you can find me in da club - remixed
So after consideration, I realized, I wasn't finished with the club analysis. Two separate conversations with my two brothers has brought something interesting to my attention - in that nearly all recent hip hop/R&B/rap songs include some kind of scenario within the walls of this ever so popular "club".
With all these shawtys' fire-burnin on the dancefloors and young bling-laden gents makin love in the clubs, it makes me wonder, what else do these people do, besides be buyin the drinks we be sippin? Do they have day jobs? Perhaps playa by night, IT consultant or telemarketer by day? I mean, how are they affording these Cadillacs with rims spinnin', the Reeboks with the straps, the "crunk juice bombs" (what are these?), and the Oakley shades?
And where are the songs for those of us who are a little more in touch with reality? Like the ones that say "I met this respectably dressed young lady at a community event. We exchanged numbers and are moving at a reasonable pace, as to not put undue pressure on either of us, as I don't wish to be too forward." And maybe instead of "damn you's a sexy bitch", we might try "my, I find your appearance to be very aesthetically pleasing".....ok so maybe that's pushing it, but you understand the direction I'm going in.
Regardless of what kinds of questions we commonfolk have about the secret lives of these playas with their sick beats and "crunk juice bombs" (seriously, what are these?), it makes for good entertainment and it's the foundation that MTV is built on.
"If the beat's alright, they'll dance all night" - Chris Rock
With all these shawtys' fire-burnin on the dancefloors and young bling-laden gents makin love in the clubs, it makes me wonder, what else do these people do, besides be buyin the drinks we be sippin? Do they have day jobs? Perhaps playa by night, IT consultant or telemarketer by day? I mean, how are they affording these Cadillacs with rims spinnin', the Reeboks with the straps, the "crunk juice bombs" (what are these?), and the Oakley shades?
And where are the songs for those of us who are a little more in touch with reality? Like the ones that say "I met this respectably dressed young lady at a community event. We exchanged numbers and are moving at a reasonable pace, as to not put undue pressure on either of us, as I don't wish to be too forward." And maybe instead of "damn you's a sexy bitch", we might try "my, I find your appearance to be very aesthetically pleasing".....ok so maybe that's pushing it, but you understand the direction I'm going in.
Regardless of what kinds of questions we commonfolk have about the secret lives of these playas with their sick beats and "crunk juice bombs" (seriously, what are these?), it makes for good entertainment and it's the foundation that MTV is built on.
"If the beat's alright, they'll dance all night" - Chris Rock
Sunday, August 30, 2009
you can find me in da club...
When the music is turned up and the tables are pushed to the side, bar-goers are drawn to the small 12ft x 12ft space in the corner of the bar like moths to a frickin flame. This is where the party is...THIS is their time to shine.
The bar is entertaining on so many levels, I find. Unlike Celebrities (ahhh BoyTech), Hudson's here in Edmonton draws a different crowd all together - often spanning several age and socioeconomic demographics. Unlike clubs such as Dirty Pretty and Suite 69, who target a more specific population, the Hudson's crowd contains anyone from fresh faced 18 year olds, to 50 year old 'roid monkies to that unsavoury-looking fellow at the end of the bar dancing to no particular beat that the rest of us are aware of. There's also a touch of irony that floats across these floors. Allow me to illustrate.
In one corner, you have the young man who is probably freshly 18, has not grown into his limbs yet and who will, in all likelihood, be going home to re-join his LAN party (he looked like a young Drew Carrey) dancing...sorry, "dancing" with not one, but TWO girls. In the other corner, there is a tall, fit, relatively good looking chap dancing with only one girl - simply because she was too drunk to shake him off her leg....I should also mention this is the same fellow who 20 minutes later, paused in front of me and my companions to drop a giant air biscuit and then proceed to the bar. This may have contributed to his difficulty in finding a dance partner - it is unclear at this time.
Geek: 1 Jock: 0
The bar is entertaining on so many levels, I find. Unlike Celebrities (ahhh BoyTech), Hudson's here in Edmonton draws a different crowd all together - often spanning several age and socioeconomic demographics. Unlike clubs such as Dirty Pretty and Suite 69, who target a more specific population, the Hudson's crowd contains anyone from fresh faced 18 year olds, to 50 year old 'roid monkies to that unsavoury-looking fellow at the end of the bar dancing to no particular beat that the rest of us are aware of. There's also a touch of irony that floats across these floors. Allow me to illustrate.
In one corner, you have the young man who is probably freshly 18, has not grown into his limbs yet and who will, in all likelihood, be going home to re-join his LAN party (he looked like a young Drew Carrey) dancing...sorry, "dancing" with not one, but TWO girls. In the other corner, there is a tall, fit, relatively good looking chap dancing with only one girl - simply because she was too drunk to shake him off her leg....I should also mention this is the same fellow who 20 minutes later, paused in front of me and my companions to drop a giant air biscuit and then proceed to the bar. This may have contributed to his difficulty in finding a dance partner - it is unclear at this time.
Geek: 1 Jock: 0
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Did someone say cookies?
What's the one thing that regardless of who we are, where we live or what fancy-pants car we drive, we all have in common? We all eat. Food is the unifying factor that everyone can relate to and that everyone has an opinion about. Whether it be what the last most amazing meal you had was or how tragically your favorite restaurant closed its doors, every person I know has a story involving something so simple that we often as North Americans take for granted. Food.
Food can grease the wheels of social interaction at any occasion - board meetings, open houses, dates(!), you name it. Even those little candies at the front desk of any establishment say "hey, I don't know you, but here, have a mint." Weddings are another good example, where it's quite possible that you'll be sitting at a table with people you barely know - if all else fails conversationally, at least you can talk about how good the food is, right?
We not only use food as a social unifier, but we are drawn to it and motivated by it. I once walked upwards of 14 blocks in 30 degree Celcius heat in search of sushi - but this was not any sushi...this was Umi sushi (utterly spectacular, by the way) and despite the requirement of the iPhone Urban Spoon app, a GPS and a 8 block back-track, it was worth every step.
Those of you who know me well, know that food is not only a social binding agent, or a motivator, but it's a passion of sorts - I take great pride in my creations and there's nothing I love more than spending my day off in the kitchen baking cookies or simmering a pot of homemade soup. I'd dare to make the argument that a lot of our memories are triggered by a taste, or a smell (sometimes good, sometimes not so much) and that food is more of an experience rather than "something we have to do."
Now if you don't mind, there's a cookie with my name on it.....it calls to me.
Food can grease the wheels of social interaction at any occasion - board meetings, open houses, dates(!), you name it. Even those little candies at the front desk of any establishment say "hey, I don't know you, but here, have a mint." Weddings are another good example, where it's quite possible that you'll be sitting at a table with people you barely know - if all else fails conversationally, at least you can talk about how good the food is, right?
We not only use food as a social unifier, but we are drawn to it and motivated by it. I once walked upwards of 14 blocks in 30 degree Celcius heat in search of sushi - but this was not any sushi...this was Umi sushi (utterly spectacular, by the way) and despite the requirement of the iPhone Urban Spoon app, a GPS and a 8 block back-track, it was worth every step.
Those of you who know me well, know that food is not only a social binding agent, or a motivator, but it's a passion of sorts - I take great pride in my creations and there's nothing I love more than spending my day off in the kitchen baking cookies or simmering a pot of homemade soup. I'd dare to make the argument that a lot of our memories are triggered by a taste, or a smell (sometimes good, sometimes not so much) and that food is more of an experience rather than "something we have to do."
Now if you don't mind, there's a cookie with my name on it.....it calls to me.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
WTF Moment #002
As the mercury rises, a number of things happen, wardrobe wise. Shorts get shorter and shirts get smaller, revealing all sorts of little treats and treasures of the human body, which in most cases, should not be so prominantly displayed. Aside from that, another phenomenon is occurring - bras are suddenly disappearing. It's as if the phrase "lift and separate" has become a thing of the past - evaporated into the hot and stale air and simply erased from our dressing requirements. WTF is goin on?
This past week I was at A Taste of Edmonton, where I noticed FAR too many women in need of some serious support. Not only that, but a slightly larger shirt would have also been beneficial - you know, one that comes down far enough to meet the waistline of your pants. With the shirt coming up and the girls comin down, a good sneeze would have scarred about 2 dozen people for life.
Ladies - NOT OK! If you can tuck those girls into your pants - you need a bra. If a light jog would increase the possibility of losing an eye - you need a bra. Despite what you may think, the heat does not exempt you from keeping yourself together.
Just keep in mind, though YOU might be more comfortable, the people around you are not.
This past week I was at A Taste of Edmonton, where I noticed FAR too many women in need of some serious support. Not only that, but a slightly larger shirt would have also been beneficial - you know, one that comes down far enough to meet the waistline of your pants. With the shirt coming up and the girls comin down, a good sneeze would have scarred about 2 dozen people for life.
Ladies - NOT OK! If you can tuck those girls into your pants - you need a bra. If a light jog would increase the possibility of losing an eye - you need a bra. Despite what you may think, the heat does not exempt you from keeping yourself together.
Just keep in mind, though YOU might be more comfortable, the people around you are not.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
where's the fire?
Being in the service industry, the range of people I see in any given day is wide...and I mean WIDE. You notice trends, mannerisms and common social faux pas, and slowly loose all hope in humanity as you serve your next customer their non-fat, decaf, extra shot, sugar-free vanilla latte with double whipped cream (seriously?...seriously.)
As you watch hundreds of people file through your café, you realize that more often than not people are in a hurry, and therefore, you should be too. Where are we hurrying to get to? Work? ok..that's allowed. An appointment? sure, I'll accept that. But at 2 in the afternoon on a Wednesday, rushing me so that you can go sit down to leisurely leaf through the paper - that's not ok.
On a daily basis, we are all in a hurry at least once or twice. But overall, we're rushing ourselves into an early grave. Faster cars, the "express" lane, fast food - you get it fast, but it does other things fast too you know..., Minute Rice (which, by the way, is not as good as regular rice - I'm Asian, I would know) With all this extra speed, it's no wonder people are anxious, nervous, and rack their brains trying to find a way to "squeeze in" some relaxation time.
"What do you suggest?" inquiring minds may ask. Well, coming from the woman who is perpetually 5 minutes late - take your time...with everything. Enjoy it. And take solace in the fact that you took the extra time to put your underwear on the right way today.
As you watch hundreds of people file through your café, you realize that more often than not people are in a hurry, and therefore, you should be too. Where are we hurrying to get to? Work? ok..that's allowed. An appointment? sure, I'll accept that. But at 2 in the afternoon on a Wednesday, rushing me so that you can go sit down to leisurely leaf through the paper - that's not ok.
On a daily basis, we are all in a hurry at least once or twice. But overall, we're rushing ourselves into an early grave. Faster cars, the "express" lane, fast food - you get it fast, but it does other things fast too you know..., Minute Rice (which, by the way, is not as good as regular rice - I'm Asian, I would know) With all this extra speed, it's no wonder people are anxious, nervous, and rack their brains trying to find a way to "squeeze in" some relaxation time.
"What do you suggest?" inquiring minds may ask. Well, coming from the woman who is perpetually 5 minutes late - take your time...with everything. Enjoy it. And take solace in the fact that you took the extra time to put your underwear on the right way today.
Monday, July 20, 2009
on relationships and the like
As I sit in my desk chair at what will soon be 2am, I find myself reflecting on the idea of relationships. I say "idea" because we all have this mental picture of what our relationships should look like or will look like - whether they be friendships, romantic relationships or even friendly acquaintances at work - and in reality, they are rarely what we had pictured them to be.
To be quite frank and personal, I myself have been "looking" for a Mr. Right and have an image of what this relationship might look like. I've met some Mr. Close's, Mr. Maybe's and quite a handful of Mr. Hell-No's - all of whose classifications have been derived from their approximation to my own mental model. Which begs the question: how realistic am I being and what is it that I really want? Does my mental model exist within the world of "Hi, I'm ____, it's nice to meet you"s?
I've had the privilege of re-connecting with an old friend recently and it is really a testament to how relationships can surprise you and change, meet, or completely blow your expectations out of the water. And as complicated as they can be sometimes, I remember being told that your best investment is in people - even if some days you're wondering where the hell your return went to.
This summer has been, for me, full of opportunity to re-connect and re-build some relationships that I had once thought lost a long time ago. And I feel I need to mention how important that is to me because everyone develops bonds for one reason or another and for me, what was initially curiousity has brought me some of the people I hold dearest to my heart. The same can be said for every relationship, new or old, as they all started the same way and are rarely what you expect them to be.
To be quite frank and personal, I myself have been "looking" for a Mr. Right and have an image of what this relationship might look like. I've met some Mr. Close's, Mr. Maybe's and quite a handful of Mr. Hell-No's - all of whose classifications have been derived from their approximation to my own mental model. Which begs the question: how realistic am I being and what is it that I really want? Does my mental model exist within the world of "Hi, I'm ____, it's nice to meet you"s?
I've had the privilege of re-connecting with an old friend recently and it is really a testament to how relationships can surprise you and change, meet, or completely blow your expectations out of the water. And as complicated as they can be sometimes, I remember being told that your best investment is in people - even if some days you're wondering where the hell your return went to.
This summer has been, for me, full of opportunity to re-connect and re-build some relationships that I had once thought lost a long time ago. And I feel I need to mention how important that is to me because everyone develops bonds for one reason or another and for me, what was initially curiousity has brought me some of the people I hold dearest to my heart. The same can be said for every relationship, new or old, as they all started the same way and are rarely what you expect them to be.
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